ummm....

Does anyone think Americans are great accept Americans? Just curious.


Oh...and FYI I am an American.

stuff

Vegas was great. Proly one of the best times of my life. beyond that, what happens in Vegas stays there, wahaha.

Fathers day: when i was 10 my mom moved back to her home town i stayed in my home town to "take care" of my dad. as much as i might regret some of it in the near future, i didn't want him to be alone. so i was alone being that he was still trying to sort out his life. i remember the first time we went shopping for food, it was like two women on their period looking for comfort food. we ended up with chocolate bars, ice cream, micro meat loaf, and some discount romance movies from the 50's. Our first thanksgiving together we ended up on a black eyed pea bench waiting 2 hours for seating. when we finally got seats and as we were sitting there we realized that we were not the only father child pair present on this day of giving thanks. i remember making eye contact with other children with sad eyes to match mine, and the dads blank with resignation. i realized then that mom wasn't going to be making my thanksgiving dinner for a long time. this was my life now. detached and like those other kids. The ones other families would look down upon from then on. There was a time when i felt like he was the only one who cared enough to stick around. which would effect my whole life. negatives and positives.
my dad is ones of the most difficult men alive, but he still managed to do everything he could even if it was just going through the motions. 14 years later i continue to realize that though i resented family life when i was young, i wouldn't trade my mother or father in for the world, my sister and i were blessed with a beautiful and harmonious childhood. being a mom helps seeing and understanding parental flaws. So even though you cant buy for the man because he doesn't like a thing you get him, i always feel mushy for him on fathers day, so happy fathers day dad! hes been one for 26 years SO, he deserves it regardless:)

i miss my mommy:*)

hurt

Tell me the cost, I can pay, let me go, tell me love is not lost. Sell everything; without love day to day insanity’s king. I will pay day by day, anyway, lock bolt, and key. Crippled but free, I was blind all the time I was learning to see.~gratful dead

I don’t want you to be my kryptonite.
Not one bit do I want that life.
Self preservation, is indeed what is happening.
What else am I to conclude?
Experiences apart from you, before you?
And now, the experience with you?
It hurts to be with you a lot of the time.
I do suddenly feel, as if I was blind.
If you like me so much then why the fight?
I think you know Im a good woman.
That You don’t want to loose,
but how often should I have to pay my dues?
It should not be like that.
Love souldn’t have to hurt so much.
Love should be bigger than that.
The comfort you had with me was uncomfortable.
That’s why I feel bad.
Because its something I never had the courage to admit.
But that’s because I truly tried and wanted to believe.
You say and say this turn around you are feeling.
I just don’t know anymore.
Ill always love the father of my child.
I don’t know where the faith has gone,
I think my pain swallowed it, and now the digestion is changing it for me.
I bent over backwards for you to be who you are, not thinking of me.
I was your champion.
All the while fighting for myself with you.
Its not fair. Its just not.
It feels like it doesn’t matter whether you love someone or how much.
Love is not always prevailing like most of us want to fantasies.
I loved him too hard. I wanted him to be okay and feel free too, with me.
He didn’t do that in time, he doesnt really want to do that at all...
and im hurt and now
That feeling is sadley gone. I had ideas. Not realities.
No, love should not hurt like this. Not like this.
Not for me.