rolling around the brain..

this blog was kind of meant to be private, being that i don't use my actual name and only people i know who have read it are very close to my life. i initially was intending to release my poetic self and maybe grow with it but i cant for some reason, i think school has stifled my vocabulary. i love words. when i was about nine years old i started studying the dictionary, because i was tired of not understanding what older people were talking about, it became a hobby that i dropped around 15. but anyway with this blog i just started to journal random things from my head.

last night i went through my blog, just looking over what kind of substance was actually there if any. i realized this morning that i often talk (and think)about love, passion, and sex...

being that my son and school is my life, i needed an adult outlet, and still do. So i get to talk about what i want to talk about with out any boundaries.

so this year i was inspired to think about identity, who are we, what are we ...and i will begin from a few sentences i found in my journal:

what else are we but physical beings? bodies. Masses of flesh that reflect happenings. are body mind and soul separate? i don't think so.

things that must be done take precedent over our desires in life in order to live survive, strive. Nothing about that is new...so we are left with three meals a day, a physical pleasure that we all do (generally) and if we are lucky we use this time to celebrate and reflect on our woes or delights of the passing days.

love and passion are pleasures of the mind. But sexual expression is who we are. its fundamental. its what we are. and its raw.

i often wish that people could just be honest with the physical part of them.
to love. to express. in what ever way might release them from the fears of what and who they are. i think we know as a body of intellectual people why.

Sex is nature. We procreate, this is what we do. a great deal of the populations lives are lead by children. having babies, nurturing them, teaching them, and keeping them safe until adult-hood, like most other animals.... By now we are advanced procreators.

Sexuality is nature as well, but it is also individualizing. Sexuality has been encouraged and forbidden through out the history of being. For instants the Greeks generally were open about all types of sexuality, so much that bisexuality was quite common and hardly talked about as a bad thing. Christianity had and has a huge sway on its member's individuality. Christianity has been a monster of suppression and defacement of the human body, among other religions.




I just recently realized that i was only 4 years short of being born in the seventies. I love when i was born, the comfort level was strangely high as i remember it. Just 10 years before my birth my parents were enjoying the settle down progression period from the rush of the sixties. Its hard to describe the atmosphere but it was different than today. The colors such as that burnt orange, off white, dark brown, pale yellow combination was earthly soothing as a child. My parents were comfortable with themselves and starting a family when they wanted to.

my parents were brought up in Philly catholic schools, and very much lived in the time of the sexual suppression and revolution. My parents have stories about what it was like for them each individually with their parents, and though my grandparents views differed, my parents turned out the same. my point is that openness is residual by generation. each immediate generation carries with them (in an instinctual like way) the previous generations values naturally.



then i realized that it was only 30-40 and 50 years ago when things like birth control were illegal, and it was illegal for black and white people to be married, or go to the same schools. Gay people were arrested if seen participating in sexual acts or were caught living together or even if some one knew the individual was a pronounce homosexual. Women were not able to vote for the future of America and women are still battling to lead Americans with out sex discrimination.

SEX DISCRIMINATION ~ (in my opinion people should really think about those words)

the pattern seems to be that when people are insecure as a whole (because of the masses producing poorly or whatever the case may be) individuality goes out the window. Survival takes hold, sexuality is then immediately abused, criticized, torn down, thus freedom to the human given right: individuality is weakened. Women some times are put in the position to fight with women and men to survive.

an attack on some ones sexuality is by another sexual being.

we have not been stable for very long, and though it seems that we could never back track, we could. i wonder what will happen

what i do know is that individuality is intimidating because when no one has any new bright ideas in a time of desperation, the individual thinkers are the ones that lead. good or bad.